


Only Fear That Makes You Run

by WrongRemedy



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Age Difference, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Minor Character Death, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-07
Updated: 2012-05-07
Packaged: 2017-11-04 23:17:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/399299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrongRemedy/pseuds/WrongRemedy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haymitch's life, from Katniss and Peeta's reaping to the morning of the reaping for the 80th Hunger Games, six years later.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only Fear That Makes You Run

**Author's Note:**

> My first (and likely to be only) piece for THG. Rated for language because apparently I think Haymitch curses like a sailor. 
> 
> Title from "I'm the Only One" by Melissa Etheridge.

It's not supposed to happen the way it does. Hell, it's not supposed to happen at all. 40 years old and a washed-up drunk, he left any and all illusions of a happy life with a pretty girl behind a long, long time ago.

And yet, when Katniss Everdeen stands up to him on that train - shows him the fire in her eyes and in her soul, makes him promise to help them in the arena - Haymitch knows he's met his match.

*

They turn her into a human torch for the parade. It's pretty goddamned impressive onscreen, and it sure as hell works the painted morons in the Capitol into a frenzy, but it makes Haymitch uneasy nonetheless.

He realizes he's already worrying about her too much; already too preoccupied with her safety and well-being and all that crap. He kind of hates himself for it, and knocks back another drink to distract himself.

She was right about one thing. He's dangerous around an open flame. Especially one as breathtaking as her.

*

He decides that the best way to handle the whole stupid thing is to act as shitty as possible towards her. That way there are no attachments, no good feelings. He can get her into the arena, do his best to get her out again, and then go from there.

It seems to work. She's not the slightest bit fond of him, and he insults her often enough that she's basically convinced that he hates her. Nothing could be further from the truth, of course. It's himself and the Capitol and the Games that he hates. But if making Katniss believe he only calls her sweetheart to be an ass is what it takes to keep her at a safer distance, it's what he's going to do.

*

Despite his very best efforts, he can't help but get a bit rankled over Peeta's confession of eternal love for her. 

Peeta's young and strong and handsome and sweet, and has a way with words. He's gonna wreak havoc on Katniss's mind and heart, Haymitch can see it from a mile away. But no matter how much damage it may cause in the long run, he takes the confession for what it is. A way to keep the girl alive.

And really, he'd do anything to make that happen.

*

She disobeys him immediately when she gets into the arena. He tries to be pissed off about it, but he hadn't really expected her to listen to him anyway. He watches her grab a backpack and haul ass, and damn, has he ever held his breath for as long as he does watching her run into the woods?

Her first night in the arena, Haymitch doesn't get a bit of sleep. He sits up, watching her camera for hours, wondering why he feels like he'd be able to do anything to stop it if she was suddenly attacked.

*

They learn to communicate with the parachutes. He doesn't have a bit of trouble getting sponsors for her, but he's not going to go overboard with the gifts if he can help it. He wants to send her every bit of armor and weaponry and food and drink he can get his hands on. But that's a shitty plan for multiple reasons, so he sticks to simple things, and only sends them when she truly needs them.

The best part is seeing how she's figured him out. They're learning things about each other even with her trapped in that hell. He shouldn't have it in his heart to feel happy about anything when more and more kids are dying, but then again, he's never really given a fuck about what he should or shouldn't do.

*

It comes down to the two of them. His tributes, his district's offerings, the star-crossed lovers that never were.

Peeta tells her to shoot him. She hesitates, says she's sorry, a few tears stream down her face, but she does it. He goes down and the cannon fires, and Haymitch drinks himself into complete oblivion so he won't have to face the celebrations just yet. 

He feels as guilty as he's ever felt about anything in his life, because in that moment when Peeta died, he didn't feel the now-familiar sting of losing a tribute. He only felt relief that it wasn't her.

*

She has nightmares on the train on the way home. They drive her up and out of her room, into a more public car and onto a sofa. He hears her crying out and moving around, and he wants so badly to go help her however he can. But he has learned over the years that it is never well-advised to act on his desires, so he lets her worry herself back to sleep in her own time.

*

Her house in Victor's Village is practically a stone's throw away from his. She moves her mother and her sister in with her, of course, and he fully intends to leave them alone and let them get on with their lives. They seem to have other plans.

They begin inviting him for dinner; offers that he at first refuses, stating that he's too drunk or too tired or just plain uninterested. Then one day Katniss storms into his house uninvited and tells him in no uncertain terms that he is coming over, damn it, and she will not take no for an answer.

After that, he eats with them almost every night.

*

Spending more time with the girls means spending less time drinking. It's a bitch and a half for awhile; extremely unpleasant to say the very least, but one day he wakes up and realizes that he's gone sober. Prim and Mrs. Everdeen make sure to tell him how proud they are of him, and he tries not to make it too obvious that the only opinion he really cares about is Katniss's. 

When she finally makes her feelings known - in the form of a dry, "yeah, well, it's about time" - he spends the next three days trying to decide if he's feeling more hurt or amused. 

*

Sometimes Katniss fights with her mom, or otherwise starts to feel like, for one reason or another, she just can't stand to be inside her house anymore. She visits him when those things happen. 

They sit around doing this or that, eating and talking and carefully avoiding anything to do with the Games. She starts falling asleep on his couch, leaning against him and snoring in a way that would make him want to stab her if she was anybody else.

He wakes her when it starts getting dark; sends her back home so she and her mother can work things out. It's the stupidest fucking thought to ever enter his mind, but somehow it feels like sending her home every night is even harder than dealing with alcohol withdrawls.

*

When they start off on her tour, the first thing he notices is that she's still having nightmares. Now that some of the boundaries between them have come down, he's less hesitant to go to her when she startles herself awake. She doesn't say it flat out but even he can tell she's grateful for the company.

He only ever stays long enough for her to fall back asleep, but still, she doesn't wake more than once a night if he makes an appearance. He considers it a success. 

Eventually she starts seeking him out instead. She wakes herself up and comes straight to his room, situating herself under his covers and in his space. She falls back asleep almost immediately, and he never can, because he's too busy watching her for no apparent reason.

In the mornings she gets up quietly and determinedly, like nothing has happened, and doesn't mention the nights during the days. She is the strongest person he's ever met, and he doesn't even bother with pretending to insult her anymore.

*

The time between the end of the tour and the start of the next Games is far too fucking short. It seems like everyone barely blinks and suddenly it's time for Effie Trinket to show back up and read out the names of the next two lambs to slaughter. He's not sure he's ready to mentor someone else, but at least for the first time in his life he won't have to do it alone. 

The day before the reaping, there's no dinner invitation from Prim. Haymitch understands; they want to spend some time as a family, coming to terms with Katniss leaving yet again, when it seems like all she's done lately is be gone. He's never had to deal with anyone caring when he left and when he came back. He supposes it must be difficult to have people who care about you. He already knows it's difficult to care about other people.

Just before dark, Katniss turns up at his door. She looks strong, unaffected, until he gestures her inside and shuts the door behind her. Then she throws herself at him and sobs, clinging around his neck as if she'd fall right over if she let go. Hell, she probably would. He leads her over to the sofa and sits her down, rocking gently and letting her cry, not even bothering to lie and tell her that she doesn't have any reason to be upset.

Eventually she pulls away, wiping at her face. She's embarrassed that she let herself be seen like that; let herself act like that. She tells him that she just can't bear the idea of leading two kids into the Capitol and to almost certain death. He tells her he has the same thought every year, and he's made it this far. She laughs miserably, and confides that that really doesn't make her feel any better. 

She asks him if she can stay that night. Says that if she goes back now, she'll only cry more and upset Prim. He offers her the bed and says he'll take the sofa. She asks him to stay again, and this time he truly understands. He crawls under the covers with her, letting her tuck her head up on his shoulder. He doesn't sleep at all that night, and she's so eerily still that he's honestly not sure if she does, either.

*

The tributes for their first Games as paired mentors are a thirteen year old boy named Indigo, and a fifteen year old girl named Merope. They both make it through the bloodbath - an event through which Haymitch finds his right hand squeezed tightly in both of Katniss's, her eyes glued to the screen, and his glued to her. 

Indigo is killed by the end of the first day by the huge but terrified boy from 9. Merope makes it almost to the end by teaming up with the careers. Katniss's reputation from the last Games, combined with Merope's own startling bloodlust, cause them to accept her into their pack immediately. It comes down to her, the girl from 2, and the boy from 4. The others team up on Merope at the last second, and she is simply overpowered.

Katniss leaves the room right after Merope's cannon fires, before she gets to see who wins. She refuses to let Haymitch tell her who the victor was later. 

*

After that it's years of the same. They don't have another winner, and gradually, it starts to bother her less and less to see them brought up onstage only to be brought down in the arena. Or, at least that's what it looks like. As the only other person in her position, Haymitch knows that it never gets any better; you only get better at hiding it. 

She sleeps in his bed. They do nothing else. There is nothing untoward about their relationship, less because either of them would be unwilling, and more because it just doesn't seem necessary. Still, he feels as though it will only be a matter of time. And he is correct. 

*

The night before the reapings preceeding the 80th Hunger Games is when it finally happens. He eats dinner with the Everdeens, Katniss comes home with him, and when they fall into bed, she crawls atop him and kisses him. There is nothing pretty about it; there is only an intensity that no one would be able to give them besides each other.

They sleep only because they wear themselves out, and in the morning, Haymitch wakes wishing for the first time in ages that he had a full bottle of white liquor to chug, because surely nothing good will come of the events of the night before. But Katniss has never failed to surprise him, and when he goes downstairs she has made a decent breakfast. Nothing fancy, just food. 

She smiles as convincingly as anyone ever can on reaping day, and as they walk towards town, she takes his hand. He makes a horrible face at Effie when she raises her eyebrows and smirks, but he lets Katniss hold his hand in front of all of Panem.


End file.
